Asian Teen Has Sweaty Middle-Aged-Man Fetish

SOURCE: The Onion

AOMORI, JAPAN—At first glance, 17-year-old Misaki Nakajima seems like any other shy and submissive Japanese schoolgirl. She loves shopping, text messaging, and the color pink. But beneath her wholesome exterior lies a wicked secret: Misaki Nakajima is consumed by sexual fantasies involving sweaty, middle-aged American men.

"I can't explain it," said Nakajima, dressed in a pleated miniskirt and pure white knee socks. "There's just something about American men who are at least twice my age and nearly three times my body weight that totally drives me wild."

Added Nakajima, "They're so hot."

Though she finds all pasty, middle-aged men intoxicating, Nakajima said balding Midwesterners who carry most of their weight in their stomach particularly turn her on. According to the sexually inquisitive teen, she often daydreams about sleeping with a 43-year-old divorcé with poor hygiene habits.

"I like it when they dress up like middle managers," said Nakajima, twirling her girlish pigtails with one alabaster finger. "You know, with the sweat-stained dress shirts, and the office clipboards, and the khaki pants that are 2 inches too short."

"God," Nakajima continued. "Those get me every time."

The Japanese nymph then reportedly sighed, rolled over on her Hello Kitty bedsheets, and continued leafing through an old Rochester Big & Tall catalog.

While she has always been curious about men who attended state college before she was born, Nakajima said she first discovered her fetish after stumbling upon a late-night airing of Uncle Buck on television—a moment the teen now describes as her "sexual awakening."

"I was completely captivated by him," said Nakajima, referring to the obese, unemployed character played by John Candy. "He was so exotic-looking. It was like this whole new world of pleasure had just opened up for me."

Over the next several months Nakajima—a virgin—explored her new obsession by cutting out pictures of American men from riding mower advertisements and heart-attack-prevention brochures. The barely legal teen also discovered satellite broadcasts of ESPN2 around this time, and often stayed up all night ogling professional bowlers and competitive dart players.

Nakajima confessed to frequently searching the Internet to satisfy her insatiable appetite for round, greasy American men years past their sexual prime. A survey of her recent browsing history revealed such Google searches as "pale man lying on couch eating" and "retiree + jowls + hardcore." The teen has also bookmarked several sites with lurid pictures of aging American males, including BuffaloBillsFanZone.com and the History Channel chat room.

According to psychologist Asuka Yasuhara of Tokyo University, Nakajima is not alone.

"It's not uncommon for Asian girls to be fascinated with these types of men," said Dr. Yasuhara, who found in a recent survey that three out of 10 Japanese teenage girls list Paul Giamatti as the most attractive American celebrity. "And it's easy to see why. Sweaty, forty-something Caucasians represent the epitome of mystery and wonder to Asian teens."

Added Yasuhara, "Plus, how can anyone resist those enormous, chafed thighs?"

Drawn by her curiosity, Nakajima has scheduled a vacation to St. Louis for early March. The trip—which falls on her 18th birthday—reportedly coincides with the American Society of Actuaries' annual convention, a four-day event during which Nakajima hopes to be seduced by "the heavyset man of [her] dreams."

Although she has long fantasized about traveling overseas and having a world of carnal delights revealed to her by an aging claims adjuster, the taut Japanese teen admitted that she is uncertain how she'll be received by American men.

"I just hope they don't mind the fact that I'm completely shaven," Nakajima said. "Oh, who am I kidding? They'd probably never go for a naïve young sexual kitten like me."

The Amazing Race 14: Tammy and Victor Jih

So The Amazing Race 14 premieres on February 15th. You all know I'm a big reality TV game show freak. The Amazing Race always has the same type of contestants: 2 dumb blondes, 2 overachieving control freaks, 2 gay dudes, 2 Black contestants, father-daughter team, brother-sister team, boyfriend-girlfriend team, etc. Plus, there is always an ex-boyfriend and ex-girlfriend team that is on the show to "work things out" and test their relationship.

Hey idiots! Have you watched the show?! Couples have broken up after competing in just one episode. I'm serious.

Anyway here is a bio from CBS.com on a team that fits the "Asian American/overachieving control freak attorneys/brother-sister" team slot of The Amazing Race 14. Talk about Model Minority Wonder Twins:


Tammy Jih (26); Victor Jih (35)
Hometown: San Francisco, Calif./Los Angeles, Calif.
Occupation: Lawyers
Relationship: Siblings/Lawyers


If they can manage to work together, this smart and sassy brother/sister duo – both with Harvard Law degrees – might have just what it takes to outsmart the competition and cross the finish line first.

Tammy is a litigator who believes that her ability to keep a cool head under pressure, especially with little or no sleep, will lead to success on the Race. Her biggest pet peeve with her brother is that he’s a bit of a control freak. This was never more evident than when they recently traveled with friends to China and Victor mapped out the entire trip down to the minute.

Victor is a partner at his law firm and works as a corporate litigator. He is running the Race to see if he and his sister can co-exist in a hyper-competitive situation without driving each other crazy. Victor thinks that his teammate can be immature and selfish and he’s hoping the Race will remedy that.

Victor is confident in his decision making and believes his sister should do what he says as he knows best. Tammy would like to prove to Victor that she’s not a baby anymore and that it’s time he view her as an equal. Victor is modeling his game play after the cut-throat style of Rob and Amber while Tammy prefers Season 12 winners TK and Rachel’s laid back approach.

Both have traveled extensively and are supremely confident in their ability to win the million dollars.

The Immigrant Mentality

The Year of the Ox is upon us. My wife and I are going to visit my parents over the weekend for the traditional meal. The Chinese, just like many other Asian ethnic groups, tend to be orally fixated: everything revolves around food. This makes a lot of sense, because historically the people of China went through quite a few hard times: plenty of war, plenty of famines, plenty of poverty.

Tough times make tough people, which is why there are Chinese all over the world. An immigrant, by definition, is not passive, but a risk taker. After all, it takes a lot of balls to go on a quest for riches in a foreign and hostile land when you don't even know the language. And yet the Chinese and other Asians are viewed as passive, submissive and adverse to risk. Why is there such a big fat disconnect between perception and reality?

Most of the Chinese immigrants of the Diaspora come from the Guangdong region. Historically this region of China has a long tradition of seafaring, and because the region has always been so far from the capital and from government rule, the people of this region have been coming and going despite government restrictions on immigration.

Before Confucianism took hold in China, the Cantonese people were fiercely independent, individualistic and outspoken. There’s a reason why the martial arts revenge movie genre originated in Hong Kong: you can’t rely on the government to mete out justice. Justice is personal and something that you take an active role in to ensure its outcome. And it feels good to kick someone’s ass for being a dickhead.

Confucianism, however, stresses hierarchy, duty, modesty and assimilation. So when the ideology took over in the region, a duality of culture was created.

The Cantonese and other peoples of the Guangdong region immigrated to other lands, but they tried to assimilate somewhat to avoid being a target. This is why ABC’s take on Western names. At the same time, the Cantonese try to keep their cultural heritage intact but subdued and hidden. This is why the middle names of ABC’s are their Chinese names.

This Confucian need to assimilate is compounded in American society. Asian Americans care so much about what others think of them, that it makes them susceptible to an exaggerated form of assimilation where they pander to whites and crap on their Asian brothers and sisters.

In order to assimilate, you don’t rock the boat. You don’t fight the system, because your parents taught you subconsciously that back in the old country, fighting the system gets you killed. You are already racially marked as an Asian, so standing out or raising a ruckass over your troubles just gets you into trouble.

In a sense ABC’s are more passive than immigrants, because they were raised to be this way. They were not taught how to articulate their anger over injustices, because their parents weren’t able to articulate it in English themselves.

As an ABC, once you realize this dual aspect of your Chinese American culture, things become much clearer. You learn that you have a unique cultural blend that has many strengths. You learn not to care so much about what others think, and instead you care about real consequences.

Is quality too much to ask for? by Asian Female

Being annoyed always makes me wanna blog...

So I recently got a slow cooker, thinking that this is going to make my meal planning MUCH easier. Since I'm not a chef by any definition, I rely on quality recipes. Well there's the problem! Now, Amazon is my favorite online shop -- buyer reviews, competitive pricing, selections galore -- but the problem is that I've been browsing through the reviews for nearly TWO HOURS now and I haven't placed one single item in my virtual shopping cart! Quite frankly, this is just irritating!! Every single-dingle cookbook I've read reviews on has some 1-rating comment about the product being a piece of crap. What the hell??! How can there be so many crappy products??! I just want a freaking quality cookbook!!

Hey, it's not just about a cookbook -- this is always the problem with everything... can't find a quality dentist, can't eat at a quality restaurant, can't watch a quality movie... I dunno... maybe it's me? Like I'm the common denominator? Maybe being a woman makes me hard to please? Maybe being Asian makes me set high standards? And maybe being both makes me expect the impossible?

The Lucky Lion

Blondes 'to die out in 200 years'

Awww, man! I love blondes. Of course, this could be NeoNazi eugenics propaganda. The study is from Germany.

SOURCE: BBC

The last natural blondes will die out within 200 years, scientists believe. A study by experts in Germany suggests people with blonde hair are an endangered species and will become extinct by 2202.

Researchers predict the last truly natural blonde will be born in Finland - the country with the highest proportion of blondes. But they say too few people now carry the gene for blondes to last beyond the next two centuries.

The problem is that blonde hair is caused by a recessive gene. In order for a child to have blonde hair, it must have the gene on both sides of the family in the grandparents' generation.


Dyed rivals

The researchers also believe that so-called bottle blondes may be to blame for the demise of their natural rivals. They suggest that dyed-blondes are more attractive to men who choose them as partners over true blondes.

But Jonathan Rees, professor of dermatology at the University of Edinburgh said it was unlikely blondes would die out completely.

"Genes don't die out unless there is a disadvantage of having that gene or by chance. They don't disappear," he told BBC News Online.

"The only reason blondes would disappear is if having the gene was a disadvantage and I do not think that is the case. The frequency of blondes may drop but they won't disappear."

Interview on the Big WoWo Podcast

So Byron from the Big WoWo blog interviewed me in a podcast. It was a fun and relaxed interview, and I always enjoy conversing with Byron, because I'm just amazed at how literate and intelligent he is. He writes about a wide variety of topics on his Big WoWo blog, ranging from politics to Asian American issues to random observations in his life.

I don't normally post comments on blogs or forums because I'm busy as hell, but he always prompts a reaction from me with his writings. Anyway, check out his blog and my podcast HERE.

Thailand: Not Just for Sex

Jennifer 8 Lee and A Brief History of "Chinese" Food

Found this via Angry Asian Man via Racialicious. By the way, a great series documenting Chinese restaurants all over the world is one called Chinese Restaurant. You can check that out on the Link Channel.

Let's Talk Relationships ~ posted by Asian Female

Oh of course a woman would suggest this... I can see all the men out there rolling their eyes as they read the title of this entry and decide to skip over it. Well, I heard an interesting statistic this morning that said 4 out of 9 relationships will end by February 2009. Supposedly, this is because people feel empowered by the New Year's resolution tradition and thus everyone begins the year by reassessing their lives.

Quite frankly, I don't think there is enough talk about how to maintain a good relationship. What I come across most frequently is advice on how to pick up women or other dating tips. Guys will ask each other if they "scored" but rarely will guys have an in-depth discussion about their long-term relationship. Men (and women) become far less interested in making a relationship good once it goes into the long-term maintenance phase. But why? How do you get better at a relationship without having people (that you don't have to pay) to turn to?

Coming from a traditional Chinese upbringing, I didn't have too much role modeling either. My parents had a marriage of convenience and their secret to a long marriage was to JUST CHUG ALONG. The only advice I got was from my dad who told me: Chinese people don't have sex unless they're married and even that doesn't happen until after they graduate from college. I'm sure if I had a brother, he wouldn't be getting any better advice either. And that's not even relationship advice -- that's the don't-be-stupid-and-get-pregnant advice.

If the statistic is true, that 4 out 9 relationships will end by February 2009, then I propose, for the other 5 out of 9 of us, to put our relationships first -- not our jobs, not our parents, not our children, not our you-fill-in-the-blank. After all, when we're 70 and senile, our jobs won't matter, our parents won't be there and our children will have lives of their own. What we will hopefully have is a loving partner, who we still enjoy the company of, after 50+ years.

Make Love, Not War

I remember a short scifi story that I read from John Varley called "Persistence of Vision." It was about a drifter that came across a society of people who were both blind and deaf. And because these people were both blind and deaf, they of course relied a lot on their sense of touch. Every night, the people of this commune would engage in a gigantic group hug/orgy. EVERYBODY. Man, woman and child. It was their way of being in tune with each other, including everyone, soothing tensions and fostering a group cohesiveness.

The funny thing is Bonobo chimps have this type of society. Bonobos have a matriarchical society and prefer sexual contact to violent confrontation to resolve conflict. It is literally make love, not war.


Bonobos are closely related to our evolutionary ancestor, the common chimpanzee. Chimpanzees, however, form male-dominated societies. They are very territorial, and they will attack male outsiders on the periphery of their territories.

You can see parallels between chimp and human behavior. Different societies have had different reactions to overseas Chinese, but most have resented the Chinese presence and many have had violent reactions. My family on my mother's side had to leave India, because of interethnic tensions. The Indians treat each other poorly (caste system, hello!), so the Chinese in India bore the brunt of a lot of racism.

The United States, of course, has a long history of anti-Chinese discrimination, where laws were passed to deny the Chinese basic rights. For example, you couldn't testify against white people in a court of law if you were Chinese. With no legal repercussions, whole Chinatowns throughout the Western states were burned to the ground.

The Philippines has had a Chinese population since the 9th century. Here's a blurb from Wikipedia on the subject:

"Because of the Spanish presence in the area, the Chinese people, who were living in the area and engaging in free trade relations with the natives, were subjected to commercial restrictions as well as laws requiring them to pay tribute to Spanish authorities. As a result, the Chinese revolted against the Spaniards in 1574, when a force of about 3,000 men and 62 Chinese warships under the command of Limahong attacked the city. The said attempt was fruitless, and the Chinese were defeated. In order to safeguard the city from similar uprisings later, the Spanish authorities confined the Chinese residents and merchants to a separate district called Parian de Alcaceria.

"At various times in the following century, the Chinese rose in revolt against the Spaniards. In 1602, they set fire to Quiapo and Tondo, and for a time threatened to capture Intramuros. In 1662, they again revolted, while in 1686, a conspiracy led by Tingco plotted to kill all the Spaniards. These events led to the expulsion of the Chinese from Manila and the entire country by virtue of the decrees that were made by the Spanish authorities to that effect. However, later reconciliations nearly always permitted the continuation of the Chinese community in the city."

Many countries have tried real hard to get rid of the Chinese or at least make it damn miserable for them: "In Indonesia, ethnic Chinese are not allowed to educate their children in formal Chinese-medium schools. In some cases other cultural markers (such as Chinese calendars) are banned. Chinese-language signs were banned in Indonesia until 2004."

Whereas other societies have tried to isolate or outright exterminate overseas Chinese, Thailand has taken the "bonobo approach," stressing assimilation and intermarriage:

"Official statistics show that six million people in 1987, or about 14% of Thailand's population claim to be of Chinese ethnicity. Extensive intermarriages with the Thais, especially in the past has resulted in many people who claim Chinese ethnicity with Thai ancestry, or mixed."

Strength and Bodybuilding for the Asian Lifter

So at the 108 Spirits website, I have an article on Strength and Bodybuilding for the Asian Lifter. I decided to write this article, because a lot Asian guys feel like they have a genetic disadvantage when it comes to size and strength. Let me tell you something: at my other blog, I get questions from non-Asian guys all over the world, and they have the exact same problems and concerns: How do I get big? How do I get muscular arms? How do I get a six-pack? I'm a skinny bastard, how do I gain weight?

Success is a matter of focus and priorities. Race and ethnicity are irrelevant. Know what your priorities are: solid consistent training and solid consistent dieting. Focus on these priorities, and you will achieve your physique potential.

"How Would I Know?!" posted by Asian Female

I had to make a trip to the grocery store today because the fridge was (once again) nearly empty. It's amazing how many countless chores need to be done in order to sustain your life but that's for another post...

There I was, in the produce aisle, wearing my shades indoors because I was in a do-not-bother-me-I-just-wanna-get-my-groceries-and-go mood. I was looking for cuties -- a seedless & super sweet mandarin orange type of fruit -- then I heard some middle age woman with her husband asking the produce guy if the clementines she was holding is seedless. The produce guy had no idea, which made me ask myself: dude, aren't you supposed to be the PRODUCE GUY??!

My thought was interrupted when I heard the woman say quite loudly: "Oh SHE knows! Are these seedless??" I realized then that she was directing her focus on me. And just how did she come to the conclusion that I would know? Why didn't she ask the other person standing in the area? Because cuties are MANDARIN oranges -- mandarin = Chinese = Chinese-looking girl = Chinese-looking girl who knows all about mandarin oranges. Perhaps I should give her a lesson on tangerines too...

This goes right up there with the time my coworker asked me what she should do with a snuff jar -- uh-huh, a snuff jar -- do I look like I sniffed opium in the 15th century? No... it's because the woman who gave it to her is Chinese.